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Monday, April 4, 2011

Vibrating toys/tools

I am sitting here out of breath, and a little shaky as I drink my ice water. Let me walk you through my day so you can know how I came to be this relaxed (although I did need an aspirin). I had to drop the kids off at school, late - because I am having trouble sleeping. My spouse is away at a training event for a month, and I don't sleep well when he is gone.  I was scheduled to volunteer at the school book fair, but it was early so I went on a short errand and bought a wonderful, powerful, 14 inch toy - that I needed. It was recommended to me and I was pleased with the purchase. I hurried to the book fair, wondering if I would get all my errands done, and return home before the kids. Then I thought it might be dangerous to try my new toy out, what if the kids came home and found me in a bad way.

The book fair was busy, so my mind was busy. The next errand was to go get groceries, and there was an accident so the traffic took awhile. When I made it home Drama Queen was waiting having forgotten her key, fortunately she did help put the food away. Then it was outside to start up my new toy, after a quick read over the directions (I mean really how difficult can this be - men do it!?!?).  I fired up my brand new chain saw and started cutting down the scrub oak saplings that were causing trouble by shading my garden.

While I found it easy to down the trees, aiming the fall took a little skill. I took down seven of the rather small trees, and cut the trunks into small logs for my fire pit, before my arms were too tired from the vibrations to be safe. Drama Queen was kind enough to stand by with the phone in case I accidentally removed one of my limbs.  She was worried by the way I laughed (she said cackled) as I wielded the wonderful toy.  Wow what a day!!!  I think I'll get a motorcycle next ;~)

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Yoga - and other naturally unnatural things

A friend (sadly my only friend, living here) found a weekly Yoga class and invited me to join with her. Sounded fun, I have tried doing Yoga with a TV exercise show ad I enjoyed it, and like most things I bet live and in person is better than by video.

I was not disappointed, class is lots of fun, I needed a little equipment - mat, 2 blocks, and a strap, fortunately my birthday was coming and the stuff only costs around $30.  So Yoga is about stretching, breathing and getting all the fluid in your body to flow better, at least this is what I have learned so far, probably a little simple but your with me so far.  I have also learned that I am more flexible than my fat will allow, and all my belly fat makes breathing in some positions a little difficult. Thankfully the class is full of normal people so I am comfortable stretching and trying.

So I have found something for me to do regularly, and even if I won't give it priority, my oldest daughter will. Last week as I am trying to get dinner in the kids, homework done, kitchen cleaned, and changed for Yoga - drama Queen (my oldest @ 11) comes in the kitchen to find me wiping off the stove top.

"When is Yoga class?"  asks drama Queen.

I glance up at the clock, "In 10 minuted, guess I'll miss it," I sigh.

"Mom, this isn't important, and you like Yoga, GO change," replies drama Queen forcefully.

And so I made it to Yoga, a little late, but I made it and had an important lesson reinforced by my lovely daughter - I am worth taking some time for, motherhood isn't martyrdom.

Friday, February 11, 2011

New ideas

OK so creating a post is kinda hard if I start worrying about entertaining someone - and since there aren't any followers I am going to stop editing and just post. This will do several things - update the blog faster, make it more of a diary ( I am old school, once upon a time we wrote in books kept under our mattress that no-one was supposed to see), and keep me from over analyzing myself. If anyone reads these and wants to comment please do that why its not under my mattress.

Since the middle school events my 2nd grader was sick, and then there were several more days of subbing. all of these things took time and energy, but my biggest problem with getting to the computer was my 6th grader - getting her off the computer or any one of the other Internet capable devices in the house required disconnecting the modem and hiding it. This made it difficult to get online myself. The 6th had 2 Cs on the last report card which would be OK if she were a C student but she has always been on the honor roll, it was time on the computer rather then lack of ability that kept her form completing enough work at a level worthy of Bs and As. So no modem, my hubby gets to bed earlier, and I did get more house work done but I think  my personal growth was off a bit.

This time talking to myself has led to better focus and more being more productive all around. I got back to it today because I was starting to sleep alot again and I can't blame it on a sick child waking me at night is no such creature exist anymore. Going to get to laundry and yoga today to improve self.

Love and light Hommies

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

New post coming

I am working on a post about time spent as a substitute in middle school.  Oh, the trouble of preteens, authority, and a clueless leader. Come back to read all about the chaos.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Man I love Work!!!!

Today is Tuesday, and I had work Friday, Monday, and today, YIPPIE!!!  Who knew it would be sooo wonderful to get out of the house?!? Of course my time was spent in class rooms as a substitute which can be a challenge.

Friday was spent at my youngest child's old school in a second grade class, they were fun, and a few of them knew me from volunteering at the school. It was a good return to work, then on Monday it was time to face, dun, dun, dun (in an ominous deep voice), middle school - 8th grade to be exact. Let me start by saying this was a make up day, to cover some of the snow days, AND an early release day. The kids were hyper, and the schedule was rearranged just to keep it fun. First class went ok, had a few smart asses who required a snappy come back to put 'em in their place and we moved on. The kids were bored with the class work I was assigned to give them, so I needed to think of additional work.

Then, the second class came in, they were pretty quite and got to work, asking me odd questions as I went around the room - Is global warming a problem because of the water, uh, ocean water is going up or what? Charmed though I was, I told the smart ass, climate change matters not just because of the rising water but because of changes in weather patterns and the increased intensity of storm systems. He seemed shocked that I answered, I guess I was supposed to become stumped and flustered - ha ha take that miscreant!!!  To quote my beloved Sheldon from "The Big Bang", 'Ba-zinga!!!"  Next inane question, what would you do if there were a gay kid in class? I stared at this kid, what do you mean? I wouldn't do anything, I don't have a problem with gay people, I used to live with two gay guys. This didn't stop him, next he tried well what if he tried to ask someone out and. . . .STOP right there, what is the scariest part of asking a girl out? Getting rejected right?!? So why, would someone who is gay, ask someone who isn't gay out??? They KNOW they will be rejected, why would they do that??? Ok, that one was interesting but that stopped him.  This group thinks they are smart, so lets get an answer to one of my burning questions.

I offered this class an alternate assignment - you can write me a paper instead of doing more of the workbook, (it is a writing class) tell me why is failure the norm in America. I said they could write a story about a person who fails and why, or about a teacher or manager trying to motivate people, or just tell me why you think failure happens. They were talking and asking questions so it actually took a minute for them to ask, how long does it have to be? I told them to write until they proved the point like a lawyer.  To be fair they are in 8th grade and they only had 15 minutes to write, but the ideas were interesting. I will write a post about what I learned at a later date.

Next was fourth block, but it happened during our third period of the day - uh, ok.  When I called roll I had the right kids, so I ran with it.  They were chatty and took longer to get work done, so no fun for them just boring workbook - until a young lady said under her breath - yet loud enough for me to catch, Ms B left this work 'cause the sub can't teach and it doesn't matter anyway since Ms B won't check it!  Question for the class - how will you use the skills these lessons are teaching you? The work book assignment was about scanning, skimming and summarising. And they knew these skills helped with testing, but it took a minute to get them to think about summery being part of writing a longer paper.

Third block, which was coming up, was the one I was warned about, and I have to say even with, what I felt was a successful day so far, I was nervous. Just a little, I know you just can't let 'em smell fear or they'll eat you alive.  To up the ante, the time was broken down - so 10 minutes of class time, then take everyone to lunch for 15 minutes, and return for 15 minutes more of class. Crap how I am going to get them working in 2 minutes? As they entered the class I was barking to get out your composition books and correct the sentences on the board, marching around the room looking at their work. Soon the questions started, when is lunch? I am hungry.  Don't worry about it get your work done, I barked back. Wow, I am doing it they are getting work done, then the 4 (holy crap - yes 4)  group leaders fired up their respective teams, damn I just couldn't keep them focused. We began to review the work, in the middle of the 3rd sentence (there are just 4) the class across the hall left for lunch. Time to go, calls one of the stooges in back. NOPE, not before we are done. Moaning and groaning in sue, sorry I can't hear, you need to respect your fellow student, I call over the noise. As their peers start to call for quite, so we can just get through this, I know I have won.

Tue was kindergarten with an OCD kid but that's its own whole post.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Boom Rattle Shake . . .

As an Army wife, and a former Army Brat I know that living near a post is loud. At any time there are helicopters, traffic (like 5 am traffic), 100s of people running in step chanting @ 6 am (hence the 5 am traffic), tanks, and artillery. I have learned to ignore all of these things even the helicopters at odd hours flying low, but the boom of heavy artillery at random odd times is driving me crazy!!! 

Watching TV after the minons were sent to bed I hear thumping, damnit why are they still up!?! I head upstairs to scold - WTH - they are in bed?!? Hmmm, I wonder what I heard, then again the house shakes just a little - Oh Crap someone is trying to break in, why isn't the dog barking?? I run downstairs and start checking the windows and doors, cell phone in hand ready to dial 911, heart racing. Then again boom, rattle, shake - oh, the light dawns, its the artillery.  You figure the next time I hear 'something' I will dissmiss it as artillery right? That is when my brain goes into overdrive - because what if I dissmiss it and it really is an axe murder trying to get in the house? What then smarty? So as the troops practice their aim, my only hope is that all the running up and down the stairs might lead to weight loss.  Enjoy your shake free day.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

How to make it rain in your garage . . .

Let me start by saying I was amazed at my skill level, who knew I could manage this???  On Sunday night I was finishing up the laundry, I actually thought I was done, and my daughter presented me with her gym clothes, GRRRR. So I gather enough for another load and start the washer, carrying the dryer load to my room to fold.

 As usual I was listening to All Things Considered (from NPR) on my Ipod, so I didn't hear the washer flooding the second floor hall . . .heading downstairs I start the dishes, when water drips on my head, WHAT?!? Ipod still going, I look quizzically at the ceiling??? Spouse sitting 6 feet away says - "I heard water and I thought you were in the shower." As he finishes the sentence I realize what is happening "THE WASHER" I scream, both daughters and spouse follow me up the stairs to find a 1 inch tsunami running down the hall. We threw towels on the water and I wrung 'em out in the tub. Once under control spouse and I started up home carpet cleaners (ours and the neighbor's, hers is much better - I had some domestic Goddess jealousy over how much better!!) and played dueling machines in the hall for 2 hours.

When I went to borrow a suction device, he placed Rubbermaid under all the rain in the garage. It really was raining in the garage.  I am so thankful for my spouse we just laughed our way through the mess. Then because of the frozen roads I didn't get a hold of any water restoration companies until Wed morning.  I am pleased to say they were impressed with the amount of clean up we managed with household carpet machines and a box fan.  

Ahh all the fun you can stand!!!!  

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

New Moon or Dark M oon

Wow I wrote that blog yesterday with out realizing that IT was the day of the Dark moon. That evening I did a modified version of the Dark Moon ritual from The Spiral Dance: A Rebirth of the Ancient Religion of the Goddess: 20th Anniversary Edition by Starhawk my edition is older.  It was really powerful. I really feel I am at a turning point. I focused on realising all the negative crap I have allowed into my head. ( A good part of my avoidance of life is a passive aggressive tantrum - not a good look for a 40 yr old.) So this 2 weeks will be about retraining my brain and self talk to be positive - glass half full therapy if you will.  Its a bright new day :+)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A Start

Wow, found a really interesting set of blogs - The balanced Witch http://thebalancedwitch.com/, and  Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom http://www.confessionsofapagansoccermom.com/. On the BW she is doing 366 days of  blogs as a primer/class/review and one of her first lessons is to make a statement of purpose - I think this may be what I need so I am giving it a shot.

To find my true self through deeper spirituality.    I am going to use daily meditation  and 2 monthly rituals to achieve this, the rituals will be at the full moon and the new moon. 

On another front I have set myself up to start working as a substitute teacher in the local school district. I was really excited about the chance to get back to work and I felt that it would create some sense of time in my life. You see I sleep alot, averaging over 15 hours a day for the last few years and after a full physical (where they merely confirmed my husband was right and  its all in my head) I have had to find a way to face my life.  The ideas is that if some of my time is scheduled else where then the time in the home will have some urgency and prompt me to DO something, other than sleep that is . . . .

So today I was to work and as often happens in substitute work I was canceled last night, OK I'll exercise.  OMGs NO I WON'T - it was unbelievably cold out this morning. So here I am - awake +, but no exercise -, and as yet no meditate or house work - - .  So I will bid you good day and move off into my day hopefully I will have pluses to report tomorrow. 

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Lets see what happens . . .

This blog will be about finding myself. I am a talker you see and so I usually have friends who stand in as therapists, but you know how certain friends know certain things?? Well I am sick of my life being in a series of boxes so I am going to use the anonymity of the Internet to find myself. Yes, I understand this makes me a huge chicken - but for now that is what I need to be really honest. I want interaction so feel free to jump in and comment on my postings.

Lets start with the basics 2 kids, 1 husband and a dog.  I have been married for 13 years and somewhere I lost myself.  In my 20s I was going to conquer the world and OMGs I got so much done each day. Now I am the walking definition of melancholy. I so don't care if the dishes get done, or kids do their homework, or dinner is made - and I know this sounds like depression but I think I really need to find joy again.