My time should be mine!!

So I am doing a poor job of getting to all the time management goals I set for myself - as always I am a work in progress :-\


This is more of a rant about people - friends and family who act as though their time and busy schedule are important enough to cause me to adjust my life to accommodate them. I have a friend that needs me more than I feel is necessary - she has anxiety issues and expects others help her. I want to be supportive but I have my own life and schedule to keep.

Then there is my father - my mother died a few years ago and she was the one who kept all family connection. Dad has a new girl friend and they travel often, and he spends time with her family who lives close to them. He can't seem to find the will/interest to come and visit my family.


Ok so I was too mad about time to make a post that made sense - and now this is a new week!!! Not that anyone is respectful of my time but maybe I can become respectful of my time.

Today Monday I went to the gym this morning and I swam when I got home and I am planning on going to the Zumba class tonight. I figure I may as well do what I want and take care of myself. We will see if that leads to any better health.

Melancholy with a side of Apathy

So the plan to do 14 hours of work a week fell a little short, I think I managed to do about 5 hours each of the 2 past weeks. Most of the work was organizing and getting projects started, necessary but not really challenging. The fear of failure is a big part of my problem - you see if I actually list items for sale and they don't sell well I would consider that judgement of me. I think the reality is to get enough going on the page to drive searches to it, so if I can list 3 new items a week it should keep my page active.


I also did some online tarot readings for free, to check my skill level and see how long write ups take. It has gone well, I think I will continue to do a few a week and then ask these folks to write reviews on my page when I make a post for readings.


I have spent quite a bit of time avoiding any type of work housework, organizing after the move, work on sale items, or even Ebay/thrift shop sale stuff. Avoidance by watching lots of Netflix and playing silly app games on the Ipad - that type of lethargy ends up with sad and/or angry thoughts rolling through my head. Generally a trip to the gym helps but it is summer and we don't tend to get up and going around here - ugh APATHY. . . .


SO to keep my store plans on track I think I need to make time for the gym - objects in motion stay in motion and objects at rest stay at rest!!

New time management - 14 hours of shop work, minimum of 3 trips to the gym, and 5 hours of work toward finding a job.

Wasting time

I listen to a LOT of podcasts. Easily 4 hours a day, some days 6 to 8 hours of listening. They cover lots of stuff too so I feel like I am learning while doing house work, and having background noise keeps me focused. We don't have cable so the T.V. we watch is all streaming. You might think this would make me more productive - BUT no it leads to binge watching.

Today I am listening Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People, a show where the host Chris Gethard talks for an hour to someone about anything they want the only rule is they have to stay anonymous. The show I listened to is

https://soundcloud.com/beautiful-anonymous/8-running-down-a-stapler

(obviously I need to figure out how to embed a link GRRR, sorry)


The caller says he has written 18,000 songs. He talks about doing the work - whatever you want do it often, push out quantity and work long and hard to get it done. That the time and effort will lead to some level of success. This is sage advice we know that to succeed you have to fail, the people who succeed get there by getting up and pressing on.

Hmm, so I need to pick something to focus on and do everyday for year. This effort should lead to some sort of success. I know!!! my Etsy shop - I will work for an minimum of 2 hours everyday on my shop, so 14 hours a week (very doable) and I will see where it leads.

Joined a gym!!!

So I picked a gym, AnyTime Fitness. They are close, small, you get 24 hour access and I am enjoying going in the morning. I started out well with 4 trips to the gym the first week of my membership, then 3 or 2 times in ensuing weeks. I am a fat, asthmatic, over forty, uncoordinated lady so the gym is really an adventure for me.  All that said I go for the great way it all makes me feel and I give a crap what others at the place think. It amazes me the people who won't join a gym because they are afraid of the people at the gym judging them - REALLY!?! I go the other direction where I feel like all the regulars look at me and think, "WOW look at her dedication!", and "She is amazing, look how strong she is!" Now if you remember that I am uncoordinated, really bad like we are lucky I can walk and talk - which I can't always I have to stop and think often , seeing me at the gym is more like witnessing a lady having a seizure, perhaps to the song in her earbuds but definitely NOT elegant. To the great credit of the members of AnyTime Fitness so far I have not seen anyone laughing at me, and thanks to the earbuds I can't hear them :-)    Besides you should really worry about the people you see the other 20 hours of the day, those are the ones I sometimes let get to me - I just know the look that covers an inner dialouge of, "Look at the fat slob! She should really try harder!" At the gym I am trying so I expect to get credit for it then. The weight loss game is won or lost depending on whose voice I hear in my head after 8 pm - the Go You or the Wow you suck - because it can lead to grazing. That is the gym update, maybe there will even be weight loss.

In the process of interviewing for a job, which only involves 48 hours of work a month - BUT it pays really well and it is part of a program I really love - more to come later. 

I am writing this after the gym and shower, and just before I have to run to the commissary (grocery store for you non-military folks), so I gotta go.

You Have Failed . . .

As I said before we are watching Arrow, when he confronts criminals he tells them "You have failed this city." It has left me worrying about where and how I fail which can be so many ways depending on the moment, currently it is myself I have failed.

I have gained weight here and in spite of my best efforts at making excuses they are just that excuses, so I have a plan - famous last words if ever there were - Join a gym. WOW revolutionary right?!? There are 2 gyms near by and I have looked at both, until recently we could't afford it BUT we sold our house so now we only pay rent and utilities on one house instead of two - it frees up a little money. Seems straight forward join gym, work out, feel better, lose weight right? Oh but wait you underestimate my ability to procrastinate - I have to decide which gym is better for me. I like classes and neither one has morning classes - I really like a 9 am class starts the day off, gets ya going, check work out off the to do list. I am going by tomorrow to see if they will give me a trial month before I am tied into a whole year contract - or maybe I just need to pull the trigger and start running at the gym. OH I might meet someone to work out with, that would be fun. In the end that is what I need for the work out to be fun.

Then there is job hunting, UGH I hate writing a resume and then re-writing the resume, then editing it for each job type . . .it is endless. Here most entry jobs are paying $8 - $13 not really much money if I have to spend so many hours editing the resume just to get interviews and rejections - and they are part time jobs so really not much money. I get paralyzed with fear as I try to edit the resume and find just the right wording to prove my ability to learn any job and be a great employee, and frankly it is demeaning to get turned down for a minimum wage entry level job :-(. I have a degree and experience in several fields, and I love to work I am a really dedicated employee - so rejection hurts my self esteem in big ways. SOLUTION work on job search for 4 hours a day. It is enough time to make progress while I don't have to feel like I am wasting all my time. You see job hunting here hasn't historically been a fruitful endeavor, I end up bitter and sad with no hobbies or friends because I was spending all my energy on a mythical job search.

Wish me luck!!!