Fearless

     I went to an "Origami Owl" party they sell necklaces that you customize it is a neat product. So I bought a tag that says 'FEARLESS', and I am trying to follow my own advice. I have started to question where my fear comes from. A college professor of mine taught us that fear is always based on being afraid of not having enough; stuff, popularity, love. Hmm, I am not sure that is where my fear comes from - I think I have become afraid of failure.

     For me failure is the act of quitting. You see I spent some time depressed, and during this time I just always chose to go to bed - that was my solution to all problems. Now I find it is hard to get back up and try again - if something doesn't work I just want to quit. It can be as hard as getting a job or as simple as cooking dinner. For Christmas I got a large steamer pot for making tamales, something I have thought of trying to make for a few years, so I started the process before I read many recipes. I knew the filling I wanted was shredded pork and I needed ground corn flour - masa and corn husk wraps. The shredded pork takes 8-10 hours so I started there, and then read recipes. WELL the recipes were long and complicated and I started to have anxiety attacks. I had my husband go with me on most of my shopping adventures, I had to be very brave to tell him I was scared to try making the tamales. That was hard - admitting needing help and having so much anxiety over something as small as cooking something new.

     I worked hard to press on and make the tamales. It took me 3 days to find all the ingredients - how could it be so hard to find corn husk wraps?!? Each day it was stressful to keep trying I REALLY wanted to quit. The tamales were okay, a great base to start with so I made it through phase one. Now I need to keep working at the recipe to make it good. I'll have to call them fearless tamales LOL