Anger, Sadness, and Laughter

Anger, Sadness and Laughter

Today we had our Ostara ritual. I have had trouble getting the other ritualists to do their work, to my satisfaction. Yesterday I was really upset about it, and the computer wouldn't work for me to e-mail a final draft to everyone, then I would get more pissed realizing that they wouldn't read it or print it for themselves anyway!! So I was in quite a bad mood when I fell asleep.

I got up this morning and the anger was mostly gone as I ran around getting the last items ready and loaded in my van. Then I realized that I hadn't started the brisket last night like I was supposed to – and it was 1 hour to ritual set up!! CRAP!! My friend suggested I pick up rotisserie chicken on my way to the ritual – good idea. (the fact that I couldn't think of that as a solution, tells you what a mess I was)  AND as I completed the last chores and got in the van I realized the God/dess was pointing out that even those who are putting forth their best effort sometimes fall short. I need to be easier in my thoughts of others and of myself.

In the car as all the stress flowed out of me I was crying a little, as I often do.  I could feel myself at the edge of the sadness – sometimes it overtakes me and sometimes I can stay ahead of it. I was hanging by my fingernails, and even thought “WOW, I am glad I keep my nails long!”, as we arrived at the ritual spot.

We unloaded the van and cars and started to set up, I was trying to keep busy and not get overwhelmed by my tears. Everyone was setting up and laughing and chatting and just enjoying the moment with each other. I realized that this is what it is about, togetherness, laughter, support.  No one cared if it was perfect or even really deep they were here in the moment. I could actually feel myself lightening.

Ritual went well, we had a guided meditation about releasing insecurities, jealousy, anger, fear, and self-doubt. With each phase I felt lighter, it was great. After ritual there was an egg hunt, and feast of course. We had fun and at the end of it all I was warm, full, happy and ready for a nap. So thank you to our circle members, thank you to the animals we evoked, and thank you to the Goddess for the joyous day and new revelations.