Melancholy with a side of Apathy

So the plan to do 14 hours of work a week fell a little short, I think I managed to do about 5 hours each of the 2 past weeks. Most of the work was organizing and getting projects started, necessary but not really challenging. The fear of failure is a big part of my problem - you see if I actually list items for sale and they don't sell well I would consider that judgement of me. I think the reality is to get enough going on the page to drive searches to it, so if I can list 3 new items a week it should keep my page active.


I also did some online tarot readings for free, to check my skill level and see how long write ups take. It has gone well, I think I will continue to do a few a week and then ask these folks to write reviews on my page when I make a post for readings.


I have spent quite a bit of time avoiding any type of work housework, organizing after the move, work on sale items, or even Ebay/thrift shop sale stuff. Avoidance by watching lots of Netflix and playing silly app games on the Ipad - that type of lethargy ends up with sad and/or angry thoughts rolling through my head. Generally a trip to the gym helps but it is summer and we don't tend to get up and going around here - ugh APATHY. . . .


SO to keep my store plans on track I think I need to make time for the gym - objects in motion stay in motion and objects at rest stay at rest!!

New time management - 14 hours of shop work, minimum of 3 trips to the gym, and 5 hours of work toward finding a job.

You Have Failed . . .

As I said before we are watching Arrow, when he confronts criminals he tells them "You have failed this city." It has left me worrying about where and how I fail which can be so many ways depending on the moment, currently it is myself I have failed.

I have gained weight here and in spite of my best efforts at making excuses they are just that excuses, so I have a plan - famous last words if ever there were - Join a gym. WOW revolutionary right?!? There are 2 gyms near by and I have looked at both, until recently we could't afford it BUT we sold our house so now we only pay rent and utilities on one house instead of two - it frees up a little money. Seems straight forward join gym, work out, feel better, lose weight right? Oh but wait you underestimate my ability to procrastinate - I have to decide which gym is better for me. I like classes and neither one has morning classes - I really like a 9 am class starts the day off, gets ya going, check work out off the to do list. I am going by tomorrow to see if they will give me a trial month before I am tied into a whole year contract - or maybe I just need to pull the trigger and start running at the gym. OH I might meet someone to work out with, that would be fun. In the end that is what I need for the work out to be fun.

Then there is job hunting, UGH I hate writing a resume and then re-writing the resume, then editing it for each job type . . .it is endless. Here most entry jobs are paying $8 - $13 not really much money if I have to spend so many hours editing the resume just to get interviews and rejections - and they are part time jobs so really not much money. I get paralyzed with fear as I try to edit the resume and find just the right wording to prove my ability to learn any job and be a great employee, and frankly it is demeaning to get turned down for a minimum wage entry level job :-(. I have a degree and experience in several fields, and I love to work I am a really dedicated employee - so rejection hurts my self esteem in big ways. SOLUTION work on job search for 4 hours a day. It is enough time to make progress while I don't have to feel like I am wasting all my time. You see job hunting here hasn't historically been a fruitful endeavor, I end up bitter and sad with no hobbies or friends because I was spending all my energy on a mythical job search.

Wish me luck!!!