My time should be mine!!

So I am doing a poor job of getting to all the time management goals I set for myself - as always I am a work in progress :-\


This is more of a rant about people - friends and family who act as though their time and busy schedule are important enough to cause me to adjust my life to accommodate them. I have a friend that needs me more than I feel is necessary - she has anxiety issues and expects others help her. I want to be supportive but I have my own life and schedule to keep.

Then there is my father - my mother died a few years ago and she was the one who kept all family connection. Dad has a new girl friend and they travel often, and he spends time with her family who lives close to them. He can't seem to find the will/interest to come and visit my family.


Ok so I was too mad about time to make a post that made sense - and now this is a new week!!! Not that anyone is respectful of my time but maybe I can become respectful of my time.

Today Monday I went to the gym this morning and I swam when I got home and I am planning on going to the Zumba class tonight. I figure I may as well do what I want and take care of myself. We will see if that leads to any better health.

Melancholy with a side of Apathy

So the plan to do 14 hours of work a week fell a little short, I think I managed to do about 5 hours each of the 2 past weeks. Most of the work was organizing and getting projects started, necessary but not really challenging. The fear of failure is a big part of my problem - you see if I actually list items for sale and they don't sell well I would consider that judgement of me. I think the reality is to get enough going on the page to drive searches to it, so if I can list 3 new items a week it should keep my page active.


I also did some online tarot readings for free, to check my skill level and see how long write ups take. It has gone well, I think I will continue to do a few a week and then ask these folks to write reviews on my page when I make a post for readings.


I have spent quite a bit of time avoiding any type of work housework, organizing after the move, work on sale items, or even Ebay/thrift shop sale stuff. Avoidance by watching lots of Netflix and playing silly app games on the Ipad - that type of lethargy ends up with sad and/or angry thoughts rolling through my head. Generally a trip to the gym helps but it is summer and we don't tend to get up and going around here - ugh APATHY. . . .


SO to keep my store plans on track I think I need to make time for the gym - objects in motion stay in motion and objects at rest stay at rest!!

New time management - 14 hours of shop work, minimum of 3 trips to the gym, and 5 hours of work toward finding a job.

Wasting time

I listen to a LOT of podcasts. Easily 4 hours a day, some days 6 to 8 hours of listening. They cover lots of stuff too so I feel like I am learning while doing house work, and having background noise keeps me focused. We don't have cable so the T.V. we watch is all streaming. You might think this would make me more productive - BUT no it leads to binge watching.

Today I am listening Beautiful Stories from Anonymous People, a show where the host Chris Gethard talks for an hour to someone about anything they want the only rule is they have to stay anonymous. The show I listened to is

https://soundcloud.com/beautiful-anonymous/8-running-down-a-stapler

(obviously I need to figure out how to embed a link GRRR, sorry)


The caller says he has written 18,000 songs. He talks about doing the work - whatever you want do it often, push out quantity and work long and hard to get it done. That the time and effort will lead to some level of success. This is sage advice we know that to succeed you have to fail, the people who succeed get there by getting up and pressing on.

Hmm, so I need to pick something to focus on and do everyday for year. This effort should lead to some sort of success. I know!!! my Etsy shop - I will work for an minimum of 2 hours everyday on my shop, so 14 hours a week (very doable) and I will see where it leads.

Joined a gym!!!

So I picked a gym, AnyTime Fitness. They are close, small, you get 24 hour access and I am enjoying going in the morning. I started out well with 4 trips to the gym the first week of my membership, then 3 or 2 times in ensuing weeks. I am a fat, asthmatic, over forty, uncoordinated lady so the gym is really an adventure for me.  All that said I go for the great way it all makes me feel and I give a crap what others at the place think. It amazes me the people who won't join a gym because they are afraid of the people at the gym judging them - REALLY!?! I go the other direction where I feel like all the regulars look at me and think, "WOW look at her dedication!", and "She is amazing, look how strong she is!" Now if you remember that I am uncoordinated, really bad like we are lucky I can walk and talk - which I can't always I have to stop and think often , seeing me at the gym is more like witnessing a lady having a seizure, perhaps to the song in her earbuds but definitely NOT elegant. To the great credit of the members of AnyTime Fitness so far I have not seen anyone laughing at me, and thanks to the earbuds I can't hear them :-)    Besides you should really worry about the people you see the other 20 hours of the day, those are the ones I sometimes let get to me - I just know the look that covers an inner dialouge of, "Look at the fat slob! She should really try harder!" At the gym I am trying so I expect to get credit for it then. The weight loss game is won or lost depending on whose voice I hear in my head after 8 pm - the Go You or the Wow you suck - because it can lead to grazing. That is the gym update, maybe there will even be weight loss.

In the process of interviewing for a job, which only involves 48 hours of work a month - BUT it pays really well and it is part of a program I really love - more to come later. 

I am writing this after the gym and shower, and just before I have to run to the commissary (grocery store for you non-military folks), so I gotta go.

You Have Failed . . .

As I said before we are watching Arrow, when he confronts criminals he tells them "You have failed this city." It has left me worrying about where and how I fail which can be so many ways depending on the moment, currently it is myself I have failed.

I have gained weight here and in spite of my best efforts at making excuses they are just that excuses, so I have a plan - famous last words if ever there were - Join a gym. WOW revolutionary right?!? There are 2 gyms near by and I have looked at both, until recently we could't afford it BUT we sold our house so now we only pay rent and utilities on one house instead of two - it frees up a little money. Seems straight forward join gym, work out, feel better, lose weight right? Oh but wait you underestimate my ability to procrastinate - I have to decide which gym is better for me. I like classes and neither one has morning classes - I really like a 9 am class starts the day off, gets ya going, check work out off the to do list. I am going by tomorrow to see if they will give me a trial month before I am tied into a whole year contract - or maybe I just need to pull the trigger and start running at the gym. OH I might meet someone to work out with, that would be fun. In the end that is what I need for the work out to be fun.

Then there is job hunting, UGH I hate writing a resume and then re-writing the resume, then editing it for each job type . . .it is endless. Here most entry jobs are paying $8 - $13 not really much money if I have to spend so many hours editing the resume just to get interviews and rejections - and they are part time jobs so really not much money. I get paralyzed with fear as I try to edit the resume and find just the right wording to prove my ability to learn any job and be a great employee, and frankly it is demeaning to get turned down for a minimum wage entry level job :-(. I have a degree and experience in several fields, and I love to work I am a really dedicated employee - so rejection hurts my self esteem in big ways. SOLUTION work on job search for 4 hours a day. It is enough time to make progress while I don't have to feel like I am wasting all my time. You see job hunting here hasn't historically been a fruitful endeavor, I end up bitter and sad with no hobbies or friends because I was spending all my energy on a mythical job search.

Wish me luck!!!

Christmas and Global warming

Wholly Shit is it HOT!!! It is December 30th and this last week we had high temperatures around 80 degrees with humidity over 80% it is sticky and nasty. For the week of Christmas we had hot weather, and several tornado warnings. This is Satan's armpit. It is hot, moist and sticky here ALL THE TIME!!!  Funny thing that also ties into my theory on why they are SO religious here - this kind of intimacy with Satan confirms his existence. Oh and the rain I have to keep draining the pool before it overflows some how the rain and draining pool aren't leaving standing water in the back yard - gotta wonder where it all goes?? I am worried that the trees are going to lose their grip on the mud back there and fall, or maybe a hell mouth will open up and demons will walk out. Either situation will lead to more work for me.

Grandpa was going to fly in for Christmas, he only comes for visits of 2-3 days (that includes flight days so he was arriving on the 24th and leaving on the 26th - why bother? And it was like God got the memo cause 4 hours before we were going to pick him up at the airport he called to say he couldn't make it. I was angry that he was visiting for such a short amount of time, then oddly didn't really care when he canceled. Maybe that was because I knew it wasn't his fault that he wasn't going to make it - well not directly his fault but who travels on Dec 24th if they don't need too?!?

The up side to the wet weather - Binge watching Netflix!!  I am into Criminal Minds (which I had not watched before) and we are going through the comics based shows right now The Flash and Arrow.  I am a bit of a wimp so it is surprising that Criminal Minds doesn't leave me sleepless and whimpering in a corner. It is a scary look at the depravity of humanity, but wow I like the characters. Reid the young super genius is fun, and Morgan is nice eye candy. Hope your Yule is Merry and Bright!!

Trying to settle in

I mean to write really I do, it seems all my great ideas occur in the shower and I don't have a computer or a note pad ready when I am wet and naked . . . .

It is Yule or here they call it Christmas :-). Kids settled in and spouse is enjoying his job, I do well in fits and starts. My Army wife duties are plenty here (don't get me wrong they don't make me do anything) and I like the ladies (no male spouses present yet) that are involved. The weather is as always a challenge for me, you see I like it cold and that doesn't happen here for example today is December 16th and the temperature range according to iPhone is 49 - 65. For me that is a nice fall day, but at least it is cold enough to put on pants, and even a light jacket if you wear short sleeves.

With the back to back to back moves I am having real trouble getting unpacked, at least that is the excuse I am using this year. I went from trying to get the house organized to just shove it all in a cupboard and decorate for the holiday. The Holiday I decorated for was Halloween, which I am happy to report did get put away, now I am trying to get Christmas out. It seems most of the Brigade planned on getting their events done in the first 2 weeks of December so it has been non-stop. Funny thing about that I really enjoy the actual social functions - it is just the pre-event doings that stress me. AND to make it worse I have gained 15 pounds - so clothes are tight and it is not cold enough to layer and hide the lumps UGH!!

Most of all I have confirmation that I am actually allergic to this place!! Wait, wait, -hear me out; I am back on Zyrtec and Singular daily and if I miss a dose I have trouble breathing the next day. My skin is a wreck it is really bad - all the facial scars I have were earned here as an adult, when I move away skin gets better (but not perfect I am a little shinny naturally). Eyes, and nose run all the time, I should have bought stock in Kleenex before we moved. And my ears itch, it is a really strange feeling and I am sure at some point I will jab something in there and cause an ER visit. All of this and it is winter, sorta I mean at least there shouldn't be new stuff blooming right?!? I have even started to try and track if rain helps to clear the air making breathing easier but that doesn't seem to work. In addition to whatever is causing the trouble I learned over the blistering heat of August that humidity makes it hard to breathe. Yup loving the 11 months of summer they have here!